Sorry, I don't know how this ended up posting twice.

If you don't want to read this whole thing that's fine but please read at least one part. It is very important to me and I would very much appreciate you reading it. Just so you know which it is, I've put stars near it. For an update on my art, go to the bottom.

Ahhh, ok so I've been mostly staying away from DA for the past few because honestly just being on the site is a little unnerving for me now. Yes, I shall tell you why. I ask your forgiveness in advance for the text wall.


A few night ago I couldn't sleep so I booted up my laptop thinking I could entertain myself in the Complaints forum for a while. Boy, I was wrong. Everything was fine at first, just your standard complaints. Then I get to this one on shock images. So I'm reading through, see some comments I think are jokes then I get to this one link. Bad me, by that time I should've learned not to click any links in Complaints. But somehow I didn't learn. I knew this site Encyclopedia Dramatica was weird and kinda nasty but this.....no, this I did not expect. So there's this link. No warning. No warning at all. It leads to a page called Offended so click I did. Nothing suspicious at first. Picture of a bunny, picture of a bunny and a deer picture of Paris Hilton and then..................A picture of a man with the top of his head blow off/apart. Yes, you heard me right. My body somehow figured out to kill the link before my brain even understood what it was. I didn't absorb all the details, thank god, but it was enough to permanently scar me.


I somehow managed to not throw up, just barely and I just sat there staring. I sat there and stared for a while until the Momdar (mom radar) went off and she asked what was wrong. I burst into tears, I couldn't stop crying even as I tried to explain it to her. Who the hell would........why the hell would you post a link to something like that with no warning?!?! No, it goes even deeper than that. Why would someone post this anywhere, why would someone even take the picture to begin with?!?! Sadly I discovered these questions are actually the least disturbing part of it.

I reported the link to admins, it was hidden. I made a complaint on the lack of warning, it ended up closed the next day because people kept linking to more horrible things (I did not click even one, I will never click a even slightly suspect link ever again). LATER that day, another girl made a somewhat similar complaint. It is the following.


So I was in creative writing today, and my friend leaned over to me, asking if I'd look at a picture. So I did, thinking it would be some immature joke or something, well it wasn't. She showed me the site rotten.com, with a picture of a man who committed suicide with a shotgun in his car. I've never seen this site before, but I'm sure many have, and to tell you the truth is scared the shit out of me. She sat there showing me these gruesome pictures of people being decapitated, shot, killed, eaten! and she just sat there laughing. Sure I have my cynical creepy moments, but she took the cake. How someone can sit and look at these pictures without being disturbed, or effected by them is beyond me.

and what's even more strange is how sites like this are legal."



So I had a small rant, gave her a and continued reading the thread. Someone posted the same goddamn link I had gotten hidden. Whoopie! Back to the admin chatroom to report again. Thread is promptly locked, heaven bless the DA admins. But ever since, DA has invoked a sense of great discomfort in me.


Since I saw that image, I haven't been doing well at all. The image will smack me random times, making me burst into tears on the spot which is really rather annoying. I've been constantly queasy, it's very hard to actually get any food down (although I did manage something not bland today). I'm afraid to close my eyes and try and sleep (which is why I'm up at this godforsaken hour, I'm waiting for sunrise I think. The light is somewhat comforting, perhaps because I saw that image when I was surrounded by darkness). I've had to take medication just to keep the anxiety under control. It's very unpleasant, everything about it.


But you see, although a lot of it is caused by the image itself that is not all there is to it. So many people are apparently not only completely desensitized by these images but many seem to find them humorous. Not just the pictures themselves but they enjoy inflicting the damage the images can cause on people that are NOT desensitized. People like myself. Not only am I (and many others) NOT desensitized, I'm very sensitive making it doubly worse. I do not believe these people should be allowed to continue their existence, or at the very least continue to have freedom.


I'm going to stop here and give a warning now, nice and bold. IF YOU PLAY GAMES LIKE GTA YOU PROBABLY WILL NOT LIKE WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY NEXT. IN WHICH CASE LEAVE NOW OR SKIP FARTHER DOWN.



It's really had me thinking a lot. Although I was never a fan of games like Grand Theft Auto and such, I used to defend them, mostly against my mother (although her argument against it is a very common on) of thinking that games like this do not really have THAT much of an effect on people. That people can tell the difference between a video game and real life. Now, however, I am quite sure there IS an effect, one much deeper than I had previously thought. Now, I've never played GTA but I'm fairly certain it's a game about killing people. Yes, there are things like hookers and whatever but the main "fun" in the game is killing. With the graphics getting progressively better and better, the violence becomes more real. So if you're constantly exposed to that...............Yes, I'm sure you'll eventually become quite desensitized. So once you become accustomed to things like that, sure seeing a picture of a man with his head blown off probably won't be much a shock. I can understand not wanting to vomit at the sight of it of course. But I can not understand how one could not be at least a LITTLE offended and disgusted that such a thing is posted anywhere on the internet. The ones that enjoy them......they scare me very much. With this, where is the line? Suppose they see an old man getting the crap beat of him in broad daylight do they just stand there and watch? Do they laugh? What scares me even more is that this happens. It has happened and with things the way they are, I not only see it continuing to happen but I predict an increase.


Yes, I know there is a difference between a game and real life, but what happened when they become to similar? Now I like my action movies, fighting, car chases and I don't even mind some blood but detailed wounds? Imitating killing people for fun? I do not understand.....



OK, IT'S SAFE NOW.


IF NOTHING ELSE, PLEASE AT LEAST READ THIS! If you've read this far, I thank you very much. However, if you are someone that can look at images like blown off heads and things of the like and are not disgusted or shocked, even worse if you are someone that enjoys these images I ask of you take me off your watch list, I do not want to be associated with you in any way, shape or form. Your very existence offends me.



Those that are still with me, I need to know that somewhere out there, there are more people like me. People that think this way and are sadden and shocked and OUTRAGED at these things. Please, please if you are like me speak up. My faith in humanity has reached an all time low and I desperately need to know there are other like me that still care, that are hurt by these images.



I have had this going around and around in my head for days now, I've very glad to have gotten it out.


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Ah, so I haven't drawn anything new in about a week although I fully intended to. I got busy and honestly there's so much I want to draw I don't know where to start. You'll see something soon though, promise



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Clubs I'm in:



And I'm Big Nel in
's Bleach Avatar Gang